Alex and Bernie Alex and Bernie


Are you a couple?

Fuck no. Please stop asking this question. Seriously. It’s 2019 and somehow this is still one of the first questions people ask us. Newsflash: it’s possible to work together without having sex. Crazy, right?

What do you charge?

We charge a daily rate of €750 per person excluding VAT. Others might make a secret of their prices, but we think it’s best to be honest from the start. This is our price for most bookings and it’s a fair deal considering what you get in return: our heart and soul for your job.

Can you make me a special deal?

No. We don’t do special deals and our price is our price. It’s worth it though. And we can talk about a minor, 5-7%ish reduction of the daily rate if you’re booking us for more than 4 weeks.

Can I pay you by the hour?

No. You book us by the day and by the day is how you pay.

How long is a day?

A question only someone in advertising would ask. Our daily rate covers a working day. Not a calendar day. It starts at 09:00 and ends at 18:00. Sometimes it ends at 19:00 or 19:30.

Anything beyond that? Let’s talk about it. If it looks like you might need a crazy all-nighter, maybe we can make it happen. But it won’t be included in our daily rate and we’ll need notice in advance to make appropriate arrangements.

Can I book just one of you?

Sure! Maybe you just need some headlines, maybe you’re looking for a pimped up presentation or a pretty look. We work solo for short periods of time if the project sounds interesting and booking both of us would be overkill.

I already have a team partner booked and only need one of you - does that work for you?

No. Sorry. We are monogamous in our working relationship. If you want us to work as part of a team, that team is Alex and Bernie. And it’s a great one. We’ve been working together for absolute ages and are completely in sync. No need to create chaos and uncertain results with a different team partner when you can have excellent results from the beginning.

Are there any clients you won’t work for?

Yes. We won’t work for cigarettes, weapons or most political parties and we think you shouldn’t either.

I know I want to book you, but I can’t yet and would prefer an option. Is that cool?

No. Book us or don’t book us. We don’t do options. One thing we’ve learned over the years is that nobody benefits from an option as it’s essentially meaningless. All it does is delay decisions and add phone calls on both sides. It’s easier if you get in touch when you know if, when and for how long you need us and you’re ready to make things happen. Then we can let you know directly if that works or not - without having to check on any other options and without any delay.

Where do you work?

We prefer to work from our respective home-offices - Alex in her wonderful flat in Hamburg, Bernie in his lonely house in the middle of nowhere. What our offices don’t have: distractions, noisy open-plan layouts, loud co-workers or other chaotic arrangements. What we do have: excellent infrastructure and complete peace and quiet to focus our full and undivided attention on the tasks at hand. We stay sane and you get more for your money - everyone wins.

Thanks to FaceTime, Skype, Slack, Google Docs, iCloud Sharing, Dropbox, Discord, Creative Cloud, WebDAV and co. there isn’t much need to be physically present anymore and we’ve successfully worked remotely for many years now. Come and join us in the 21st century if you like and let’s get this party started!

How did you make this site?

Bernie built this site by hand with a bunch of blood, sweat, tears and love. It’s completely static and built on Jekyll together with Github. Built with CodeBuild and pushed via CodePipeline to an S3 Bucket. Served via SSL and Cloudfront. Bernie wrote a post about this page with even more info if you’re interested.

We regularly experiment with various settings and new features on this site, so don’t be surprised if it suddenly disappears or so… It’ll be back again and prettier than ever.

This website doesn’t use cookies or analytics and doesn’t track you in any way.

Typeset in the absolutely gorgeous DIN Next.